Kenny's room feels empty, although not much has changed in it. I keep thinking of how different life was in this house last year. Vincent was out having all kinds of Halloween fun most of the month--this year he hasn't gone out once. Last Halloween Kenny, Vincent and Johan went to 3rd Realm--the Haunted Places where Tommy was working. They stayed out all night and had many stories the next day.
It's the kind of thing I miss hearing about--and knowing about. It was the best feeling knowing Kenny and Vincent were hanging out, having a good time together, being the way brothers are supposed to be. They were always together. Hanging out here, in Kenny's room>>night after night, laughing and talking, watching videos and playing games. My quiet presence doesn't give any life to this room the way the boys did together.There is no comparison, and no comfort for what's missing.
I feel extremely nauseous>>I don't want this month to end.I don't want it to be November--this being without Kenny is not getting any easier. I don't know why I thought it would. I was so under the impression if I lived through the first year; somehow it would get easier, but that must have been a lie I was telling myself to help me make it from one day to the next. I know the year isn't completely over but it feels like my entire life is ending as the year comes closer.
I am split in two--the part of me who has all these thoughts and ideas in my mind and the part of me that has no desire to open my eyes and see another day. Why do I feel this way?? Is that how it is supposed to be? I haven't read from my book for awhile--I've been so wiped out the past week that I had forgotten about it until now. Maybe I will read it in the morning.
Maybe I will dream of something new and will wake up happy. Wow, wouldn't that be different?
Until tomorrow...
Element of the day (day 90)
#89-103) Actinide Series
All Actinides (Nos. 89-103) are radioactive metals and most are not found in nature, but created in laboratories.
No comments:
Post a Comment