Well, it is now officially 45 weeks since Kenny died.It is interesting to me the way numbers seem to coincide in my life. It is the 45th week, I am 45 years old and it is the first week that I truly feel I will survive despite the tragic loss of my wonderful, wonderful son Kenny. It is a miracle I can feel this way now when not long ago I didn't want to live at all. Although in general, my emotional and spiritual well being is stronger than it has been in over a year today I feel terrible- the world keeps throwing me punches and I feel like a boxer ducking and swaying to avoid a direct hit. It saddens me to say I have not received any emails with Kenny stories. Is he truly so easily forgotten by everyone else except me? Will that be another burden I have to carry in my heart for the rest of my life?
It's odd the way unexpected memories pop into my mind. As I was leaving the bank today I recalled the image of me standing at the counter with Kenny's death certificate when it was time to close his account. Its the most difficult act trying to prevent my eyes from tearing up so I allowed the tears to form and tried to blink them away. My son is dead, regardless of where his spirit is or what he is doing on the other side. Kenny is gone, gone, gone! I still hate Tuesdays. And I know that no matter how many Tuesdays or any other days I live through, the day will never come that I don't miss Kenny. Fighting the tears"""'
Until tomorrow...
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_____DISNEYLAND_____________
Disneyland is a favorite place for Kenny and I, we made several trips to Disneyland during Kenny's life. I have alot of family pictures from different trips to Disneyland. I think he had barely turned two on our first trip with his brother Jheremy; and cousins Kristy and Katie. Vincent was too young to go. I remember that my sister-in-law and I were pushing strollers all day and that my mother-in-law went with us. Then we went again with all the kids shortly after Tune Town opened. The kids had a great time in the ball pit and we literally had to pull a couple of them out to move onto the next land. I also remember when Kenny was in first grade we went for my birthday. He was attending Bullard Talent at the time and his first grade teacher was Mrs. C- one of Kenny and mine's favorite teachers of all time. Mrs. C loved frogs-there were frogs all over her classroom. I took a picture of Kenny atop a frog from one of the rides and we gave it to Mrs. C as a gift on a card. Another vivid memory from Disneyland was when we took our first trip without their father. It was shortly after Jheremy got hit by a car while riding his bike. We got to wheel him around in a wheelchair which allowed us to use the special quick lines for the rides. On that trip it was me, Jheremy, his girlfriend at the time-Ashley, Kenny and Vincent. All the boys were teenagers. It was the first time I drove from Fresno to Disneyland on my own. None of the boys had driver licenses then. The California Adventure themepark was fairly new so it was our first time going to both parks. Everyone except me LOVED the Hollywood Tower Hotel ride. I went on it once, and the rest of them went on it three times in a row. I don't know how they were able to walk after that, but they were giggly and happy, doing just fine. We were able to go the parks two days on that trip. It was the most time we ever spent in Disneyland, and we were able to go on all the favorite rides which include Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted Mansion, Space Mountain, Peter Pan, Indiana Jones, the Matterhorn, and many others. That was during the time Kenny was in his skull faze and I still have the jewelry he bought there, a chain and a ring with a skull on it. It was a very fun trip.
The last trip we took to Disneyland was in October 2010. I had always wanted to go during the Halloween festivities and Kenny wanted to take Callie as a birthday gift. We went in between both their birthdays- Kenny's is the 15th and Callie's is the 31st of October. That trip was very special, not only because Kenny got to take one of his best friends and it was during Halloween time-what made it extra special is that Jheremy made special arrangements so he could join us. He flew in from Portland; we picked him up in the car we had rented and got on the road to LA directly from the airport. It was Kenny, Callie, Vincent, Jheremy and I who took that trip together. Kenny paid for a lot of that trip. I bought all the entrance tickets as part of Kenny's birthday present but he paid for the hotel room and half the car rental. It meant so much to him to go on that trip= it was something he really wanted to do and I am super happy we were able to pull it off. Unfortunately, the weather was rainy, cold and grey. Not the best for Disneyland and everyone was tired and kinda grim. I remember we waited for hours in line for Space Mountain with all of us getting drizzled upon and no one smiling. However, that didn't take away from how much fun the rides were- at least that held true to the spirit of Disneyland. We didn't take any pictures on that trip, something I regret because the memories only exist in my head. I wasn't greatly impressed with the Halloween theme, it wasn't spooky at all- it all seemed pretty generic to me with the exception of the Haunted Mansion. Even though it was cold and rainy, we all went on Splash Mountain-that was a blast and Space Mountain was exceptionally dark and cool! One of the best memories I have is going in the store that has all the Nightmare before Christmas stuff. The genius of Tim Burton's characters in that movie still amaze me; they are among my favorite of all time. I bought a mug, which is one of my favorites I drink coffee in all the time and Callie bought a pair of super cute pajamas. It was the last time I went on a trip with all three of my sons and it is a memory I will always hold close to my heart because it is something that can never happen again. Love to all and if you have any happy Disneyland memories--smile and think Kenny loved Disneyland too!
Element of the day (day 69)
#58) Ce- Cerium-] metal
Discovered in 1803 by Jons Jakob Berzelius and W. Hisinger, Sweden.
Used in heat resistant alloys, especially gas lantern mantles, as a component in glass and ceramics, in carbon arc lamps, and as a catalyst in self-cleaning ovens, and in certain nuclear applications.
Found in monazite and bastnasite mined in the USA, China, Russia, Australia and India.
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