I am feeling tremendous sadness and grief tonight. There is so much to be done in the upcoming weeks- things for myself and also things for Kenny's memory but the heartache lingers strongly in all the cells of my being. I pray for the strength to accomplish all I feel I need to do to regain a full sense of peace. I want to cry, I need to cry but the tears will not come out. I feel them inside me, what are they waiting for? I cry when I don't want to and don't cry when I do want to--such a swirl of unease and restlessness. I have been having trouble sleeping the last few days-maybe because Vincent is gone and I feel his absence; in a different way than I feel Kenny's absence although it is absence all the same. It is a world of loneliness that surrounds me and it intensifies the difficulties of living.
Praying to get through the night and see Kenny in my dreams...
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