75*~ 21 years ago

~~~*HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY KENNY*~~~

Kenny was born on Tuesday, October 15,1991 at 1:39pm after 5 1/2 hours of labor brought on by my water being broken by my OBGYN. I remember it as relatively an easy delivery, oddly it wasn't as difficult as my first, nor was it as easy at my last- putting it right in the middle. Very fitting, as Kenny was my middle child.Kenny was a joy from the day he was born. He had an easy-going temperament and laughed a lot as a baby and child.More to come on the subject when I learn to scan pictures to my computer.I have a few darling first day of life pictures. What a strange coincidence that Kenny was born and died on a Tuesday, something new I learned today.

Today didn't get off to a very good start. I woke up feeling worse than yesterday, and extremely tired so I kept falling back to sleep. About 11am I finally woke up after cancelling all my morning plans. I cried straight through the first two hours I was awake. Have you heard the saying-"people plan, but God disposes"? That's how I felt this morning, asking God "why did I have to get sick?"--> I had so much I wanted to do and it all fell through.

1) With all that didn't get done, there were three important things that did get done. I lit a candle for Kenny's would be 21st birthday.

2) I put a peace sign scarf on Ravenne in honor of Kenny's birthday.

3) I went to the river to release some of Kenny's ashes.I expected the ashes to be like dust and was surprised that they were more like gravel in some parts. I didn't feel sad holding him or letting him go. I felt like it was the right thing to do.

Kenny's ashes- 10/15/12

Into the river-Happy 21st Bday

Mi Mama went with me to the river, she also cooked some of Kenny's favorite foods which I ate for dinner while dining alone. I wish I hadn't been alone, I wish Kenny was here to enjoy the food too. I was planning on making Kenny's favorite cake-lemon cake, but that is another something that did not get done because I didn't want to get my icky, ucky germs on it. Overall, I didn't accomplish nearly enough of what I wanted in terms of healing or celebration--and I know that I can never have this day back. There will never again be the first birthday after Kenny's death and I wonder why it is that life happens the way it happens,, and when will I have any tangible answers??

I MISS KENNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  and I'm tired of being sick and sick of being sad.
   Until tomorrow, tears and kisses to Kenny on his 21st bday

Element of the day (day 75)
#65) Tb- Terbium-]metal  
Discovered in 1843 by Carl Mosander, Sweden.
Used in semi-conductors and lasers, to produce the color green in television screens.

Chiefly obtained from monazite, mined in the USA, China, Russia, Australia and India.