3* meatballs

   I've been staring at this blank page for several minutes, listening to classical masterpieces on music choice channel 904 on my t.v. I chose this particular music because it makes me think of Kenny. 
   It is day 3 of this blog, and although I have had several thoughts throughout the day of what I wanted to say I can't seem to find the wording now. So I think I will only write about the random topic and chemistry element. I am figuring out how to make a few changes with the layout and design. I like this one much better, and I know Kenny would prefer the black heading over the blue all the time, half-hearted laugh...hee hee.
   Actually, I'm missing him very much right now. I started sleeping in his room again since I started working on this blog. I made meatballs in the crockpot with spaghetti sauce today which he would have loved. He didn't like spaghetti but he and his younger brother would go crazy over the meatballs. Kenny, being the kind person that he was would let him have the last meatball even when Kenny only had a few,and his brother had twice as many. I'm saving spaghetti and meatballs for tomorrow night because my youngest isn't home tonight and Kenny & I will never have dinner together again. It is a very sad thought. There were many, many nights when it was just me and Kenny--now there are many, many nights when it is just me. 
   Nothing in my world is at the same without Kenny alive. My thoughts have changed, my feelings have changed--all my beliefs have been challenged and tested. I have gone through months not knowing who I am now, not knowing what I want, and not wanting anything. It's a very uncomfortable place to be because it is not like me at all; for nearly my entire adult life I have had goals and desires, and most of the time I find a way to attain them. Not anymore- I feel as if my entire life has to begin again and I have no idea in which direction. The road to healing is like being in rehab, I feel like I have to go through some purification process in order to deal with the loss of my son and start my life anew. Living with Kenny's death has eaten me up inside and destroyed so many aspects of my life the same way drugs destroy an addict.And now this blog is going to be my rehab. It will be a journey, and I can feel that there are going to be times when it is highly unpleasant but I hope in the end there is enough in this blog to highlight the best of my beloved son; while maintaining enough honesty of my feelings to help me heal.

~Random Topic~
  Music-} I am still listening to classical masterpiece because Kenny liked orchestra music. I can picture him now, waving his hands in the air with all sorts of silly animations on his face--mouth opened, mouth closed, giant silly grin moving his head from side to side -fingers flying through the air. Oh what an amusing sight!
   There wasn't a whole lot of music that Kenny enjoyed. It was one of those peculiar things about him. Other than video game music he never played any music on his own; however, he did perk up with classical music. The only modern music he ever got into was They MIGHT BE Giants and Weird Al Yankovich (forgive me if the spelling is wrong, correction encouraged). He did also listen to his older brother's band, nucular aminals; and the band they toured with, Psychic Feline, whom Kenny liked a lot.That's about it for music.

Element of the Day-] day 3
 #1)H-Hydrogen(gas): Essential for life to exist for plants and animals
  Discovered in 1766 by Henry Cavendish, England. Most abundant element in the universe, making up to 75% of all matter. It is a very light, colorless, odorless gas, and is highly flammable. Used as a rocket fuel and in making a variety of compounds, such as methanol and ammonia.
  Third most common element in the human body. Since pure hydrogen doesn't exist on earth as a gas, we make hydrogen by separating it from water, biomass or natural gas. 

Well now, I am feeling wiped out- I was able to write a little after all. But now I feel a numbness throughout my body as the tears stream down my face. How I wish Kenny was here, waving his fingers through the air with a silly grin on his face...