The day it happened
Kenny had been gone about 20 minutes when I looked out the window and noticed his car was still in the driveway. I wondered about it, but remembering he had taken a dollar the thought occurred to me it was possible he had taken the bus. I sent him a text but got no reply. About ten minutes later I called his phone and heard it ringing in his room. Vincent went to his room and brought me Kenny's phone; then Vincent returned to Kenny's room and came back and told me that Kenny's keys, wallet and backpack were still in Kenny's room. That's the moment I was sure something was wrong and I began to panic.
Vincent got dressed and left the house immediately not saying where he was going, only that he'd be back. I also got dressed and began looking through Kenny's backpack to find out where his class was located in case he had gone to school.
---------------------------
its 6:30 pm--> I've been trying all day to get thru this story but I just can't seem to do it. My heart is splitting apart reliving that day. I know it is crucial for my recovery to be able to retell what happened on 'crisis' day in order to fully heal and move forward with this life that I am no longer living. I am here day after day, most of the time not wanting to be here, not wanting to live my life without my precious son because he is not living anymore. It is incomprehensible--even to myself,, I don't know why or what is happening. I can't get thru this today.
Here is a poem mi mama shared with me:
You never said you're leaving
You never said goodbye
You were gone before I knew it.
And only God knew why.
A million times I needed you,
A million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly
In death I love you still
In my heart you hold a place
That nobody could ever fill.
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn't go alone
For part of me went with you,
The day God took you home.
~Unknown
-- my feelings exactly
No comments:
Post a Comment