14* the rest of the day

The rest of the day...(cont. from 13 part 2)
   Vincent was at the front door just as I was getting ready to leave, it must have been 20 minutes later. Grimly, he told me I didn't have to leave and took me to the couch. He said there was someone coming to talk to me. He stayed with me in the living room but was quiet. Approximately 10 minutes later a peace officer came over and told me that someone had been hit by a train. The officer came to get Kenny's i.d. because Vincent said he thought it was his brother. I took Kenny's driver's license from his wallet and handed it to the officer; it would be days and days before I would get it returned. While we waited, I paced across the lawn in the front yard until Vincent walked me over to the porch step.I left a trail of tracks in the grass. We continued to wait for what seemed like hours; eventually I called 'mi mama', she was at work. She did not want to believe it was Kenny and told me to call her when we knew for sure. It was an agonizing wait--I paced, I cried, I was completely restless and unable to think clearly.

-------As I'm typing this I feel like I'm losing my mind. It is no different than the very day it happened,, the feeling of loss is as intense as those many months ago and the reality is the same- Kenny will never come home again.---- 
  
   The officer took forever to return--the Chaplin made it the house before him. I was standing in the driveway leaning against the trunk of Kenny's car facing the street. The Chaplain made the mistake of coming over to us. I told him we were waiting  for the officer to return and he went and sat in his van but I knew then that it was Kenny over at the R/R tracks. The officer came with reinforcements-the coroner and two officers and a sheriff. The second they confirmed it was Kenny I said I wanted to see him. Everyone said "no" at the same time but I started running while trembling and crying down the sidewalk toward the tracks. Immediately I was stopped by many people at once. And then I fell apart. I felt bombarded with questions and talking all around me.
   When we got into the house it was me, Vincent, the Chaplin and the original officer.There was so much noise around me and I couldn't make any sense out of what was being said to me. I remember calling my mom and that she came right over. I remember Vincent going into the den to call his father. In two minutes he was at the house...I was back on the step waiting for my mom. The boy's father screeched to a stop in front of the house, I think he left the car running. He rushed past me, I walked into the house-he walked into Kenny's room, closed the door and a few seconds later he stormed out of the house and drove away. Soon after he returned and spoke to the officer and left again.
    Later, I found out he went immediately to the tracks and spoke with the investigator who was at the scene. I kept asking to go,, but everybody was stopping me. Finally when mi mama heard that my boy's father was there she and my sister-n-law drove me to where it happened. A couple hours must have passed by then and the authorities had left the house. They weren't helpful at all about giving me information about Kenny or what happened to his stuff. He was wearing a hat, and his glasses and his jacket. 
   When we got to the R/R tracks the scene was completely cleared--no sign of Kenny what-so-ever. I was extremely upset!! I felt like everyone was trying to keep him from me. He had been taken to the morgue and I never even got to see him--I didn't at all want to believe what had happened. I couldn't truly wrap my mind around it. All the while I was asking about Kenny's things I kept saying I wanted to get Kenny's glasses. According to the coroner and officer the glasses had not been recovered. I knew I had to find them--I literally asked Kenny over and over to let me find his glasses. 

----I've been typing for about half the day,, in between all the crying breaks. I am nauseous to the pit of my stomach and entirely emotionally wiped out!!! It almost feels pointless to go over the details because it can not change anything...I am beginning to doubt more and more that I will ever feel better.--- Until tomorrow...to be continued once again


Element of the day (day 14)
#6) C-Carbon (nonmetal solid): Essential for life to exist for plants and animals
Discovered in Antiquity. 
Present in all carbonate mineral that form limestone and dolomite, pure carbon minerals are graphite and diamonds. used in steel making, sugar refining, water purification and treatment. Diamonds used in jewelry and many cutting applications. The basis for our fossil fuels- coal, petroleum, natural gas.
Graphite mined in Korea, India, Sri Lanka, Madagascar. Diamonds mined in Australia, Zaire, Russia, Botswana, South Africa, Canada.