95* rants>>>

I made Kenny's favorite cake today- it was supposed to be for his birthday, but that really didn't work out. It was very lemony and delicious--Kenny would love it!!

Life is becoming an endless blur of events> none that are very exciting but none-the-less time is spent doing things of non-significance.

I would like very much to find new meaning in my life-> everyday there are new events that make me miss Kenny.

I watched the Descendents tonight, and I didn't cry at all--I thought how lucky they were to tell the dying woman how they felt,, and what a great guy Matt King was--} I think Kenny would have turned out to be that kind of man

I wonder if I have become cold and cynical because of how many loved ones I have lost-] or if this is just a faze as part of my healing process--> I'm so angry at all the people who have done me wrong,, and especially everyone who hurt my Kenny. I know not everyone meant to hurt him--to crush his delicate feelings, but it happened. Kenny wanted the best for everyone,, he was always trying to play peacemaker and it didn't work. For me, that takes a little bit of hope out of the world. And I wish I could find it back.

I miss Kenny. I miss Kenny. I miss Kenny. I want to feel his head on my shoulder and hear him laugh. I want a hug and to sit at the kitchen table and tease him about eating only cold cereal for breakfast. I want to make him pancakes and watch him gobble them up. I want to stop sleeping in his bed because he is in it instead. I want all the things that can never be after someone you love is no longer here. I want to see my son alive!!!
 
Until tomorrow...     


Element of the day (day 95)
#93) NP-Neptunium-]radioactive: Actinide Series 
Discovered in 1940.
Few uses.