"If your are sure you understand everything
that is going on, you are hopelessly confused."
~Walter Mondale
I think this is true of life in general because in my experience, something in the universe is always throwing us a curve-ball when we least expect it. Not many things happen as planned or turn out as one expects them to.
There were many sections that were very relate-able to me. I, especially like the lines: "Cry, wail, and sob as long and as hard and as often as you need to. Tears have a voice of their own. Let your tears speak, listen to the tears, and heal."
-Touchstone Five, Recognize You Are Not Crazy
Crying as often as I have for the past months have at many times made me feel like I was or am crazy--I mean, really, the tears come just out of the blue sometimes. Even in the middle of something good or happy, like while watching 'Castle' the other night. But really, while driving in my car is when it gets me the most. I was driving by Bullard High School a couple days ago, which I do often-and I don't know why but I had a flashback of sitting in the silver Navigator waiting for Kenny to get out of school early and the tears hit me.
I made many a trip to the school for various Kenny related incidents. Some were easy and happy, others were difficult and painful. I was thinking about how so much of his life happened at Bullard High. He didn't stretch very far outside his comfort zone; however, it was enough for Kenny. Having time with his friends--paying attention to what was going on with them. He has pages and pages in his little black notebook called 'condition of:' with names of his friends. He kept track of how they were feeling, of how he was feeling. School was his favorite time of life because being with his friends meant everything to him.
After high school Kenny became very lonely.He didn't make new friends at city college. It's very difficult finding people you can trust or like at that age if you are as particular as Kenny was. It was one of his best traits, yet it was also very debilitating. Kenny was a clean edged young person-he didn't drink alcohol or smoke, he despised drugs, and thought sex should only be shared between people who really cared for each other so he didn't have any of that going on in his life the way so many young people do. It made it very hard for him to find people to hang out with so he remained a loner after high school. He spent nearly all his time with us at home--mostly with Vincent. Other than that there were Callie and Ben> his only true friends whom he saw whenever the opportunity presented itself. If it weren't for them I'm sure Kenny would have left his life long before he did. They gave me a few more years with my beloved, unusual son--I am eternally grateful to them both. I don't think I can ever express how much it meant for me to have all the time I could with Kenny. He made me happy so much of the time. He was the only person in my life that I talked to on a daily basis. If I went out of town, I called Kenny everyday to see how things were--if he was away from home, I called him to see how he was or he called me to check in--he was very thoughtful that way. Rarely a day went by that we didn't talk, maybe five in his lifetime. Not talking to Kenny has been the hardest part of him being gone. I mean I talk, and I think he hears me most of the time but he doesn't answer in a way I can hear him. Now there is no one in my life that I talk to on a daily basis. Vincent is gone a lot and when he is gone, he isn't great about keeping in touch. It was always Kenny that I made contact with when one of us was not home. I loved talking to Kenny and hearing him tell me about his day, etc.. He was very empathetic> I think it was because he was such a sensitive soul-more like me than either of my other children. I think I'm lucky that way-that both Jheremy and Vincent see life differently and have a capacity to face life's disruptions with perseverance. Otherwise I would have to worry about them being like me.
Not that I'm so bad--I'm getting stronger slowly> working hard to put the pieces of my life back together. Although I do often feel like there are a couple missing pieces to the puzzle. Don't you just hate that?? During my 'I have to keep my mind busy or I'll go crazy' phase of mourning, I was doing puzzle after puzzle to stay sane. They were all puzzles I already had done years ago. I completed a 500 piece that had one piece missing- a 1000 piece with two pieces missing- and another 1000 piece with one piece missing before I finished a 500 piece with all the pieces. I was getting upset that all my puzzles were incomplete because it seemed like a metaphor for my life.
I have a 1000 piece harvest puzzle I think I will start this week in between all the packing that I must begin doing. At least there will be a little pleasure interspersed with all the work. I started undoing Halloween decorations today. I took a picture of the clown shoes we used for the stuffed man. They are from Kenny's CraZy clown costume, from 2008 I think.
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| Kenny's clown shoes-Bobbo the clown, as Kenny called him- HaHa.. |
#92) U-Uranium-]radioactive- Actinide Series
Discovered in 1789 by Martin Klaproth, Germany.
The fact that it is radioactive was not detected for 107 years after uranium was discovered. Found in many minerals. Used in nuclear fuels and weapons, in the production of high energy X-rays, as a photographic toner and as a yellow tint in special glass.
Mined, from the minerals autunite, carnotite, monazite, samarskite, and uranite (uranium dioxide, called pitchblende). Mined in Canada, Australia, Nambia Nigeria, South Africa, and the USA.
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