125* February

Kenny's Monopoly

                              

Today is Tuesday, March 5th....another Tuesday. I am treating today as if it is the 29th of the month of February because the entire month of February went by and I never did a blog entry. I was debating if I should do it on the 28th of Feb or the 1st of March; however it became a non-decision due to the fact that I have been extremely worn out, void of all energy by the time the end of the days get here and way too busy during the day to have more than a few minutes to breathe, much less any time to do anything for myself.

Every night since Feb. 28th as I put my weary body and worn out brain into bed, I think - 'I have to do the blog'... then I fall asleep and wake up feeling guilty in the morning for not having gotten it done and then I cry because the loss still feels very fresh when I wake up, and I feel terrible that life's responsibilities are interfering with me keeping Kenny's memory alive. It's the last thing that I want to happen...I don't ever want to get to a place where I am so busy I forget his special days. At least I haven't forgotten..even though time sometimes gets away from me.


I vow to never let it happen again. So, in the month of February I started working again. It was a long and tedious process. The first couple weeks were terrible and I wanted to quit- which, I actually did- but I got talked into sticking it out. So, now I am a part of the rat race, trying to figure out how to survive in this world. The last week was grueling with lots of meetings and hours of work. I am super duper tired even as I sit here typing; however I made myself get up early because there was no way I was going to let another day go by without getting this blog done, and it being a Tuesday it works out okay. I just lit Kenny's memory candle. I still light a candle on Tuesdays, and a special candle on the 29th which, of course didn't happen last month.

Last year was a leap year so I was able to light a special candle on the 29th of every month of 2012 in memory of Kenny's last day on Earth. I think I mostly do it because I want so much to hold onto a piece of Kenny's spirit. What I miss the most is Kenny's sweet and loving nature. It certainly hasn't been replaced in my life and there are so many, many moments during the day when I have a thought or do something and I think- 'I wish Kenny was here'. It happened yesterday morning as I was getting ready for work. I was feeling completely awful because I woke up to the realization that another day had gone by without getting the Feb. blog done and I was rushing to be ready for a new program that was starting; and I was telling Kenny in my mind that I was a new starting a new job. Then I sat on the bed and started sobbing after I put on my yin-yang necklace and I said out loud "Kenny, Kenny I wish you were here to give me a hug, I could really use one of your hugs today". And that's how it happens most of the time. I just want to see him smile or hear him say "have fun Mom" or have a hug. He was the best hugger, not quick and in a hurry. I often ask Vincent for hugs now and he is kind and abliging; but Vincent isn't one for long and lingering hugs. Its a quick one arm wrap around the shoulder most of the time; although I can get a quick two arm hug some of the time. Either way, I am grateful but I still miss Kenny's hugs.
******************************************************

JHEREMY-- 2/ 5/ 2013

So,, in the month of February Jheremy came to town for a visit and on his first night here our little family played a game of Monopoly together. 

CONOR-- 2/ 5/ 2013

It was the first time we have played
Monopoly since Kenny died, and I was beginning to think his games would never be used again. I am very happy we had that time to spend together. Naturally Kenny was on my mind the entire time we played and it made me feel good that we were doing something Kenny would have loved to be a part of-- it almost felt as if he was watching over us.   

VINCENT-- 2/ 5/ 2013

It was very dark in the living room so we lit candles and brought in a couple of little lamps. It was a nice atmosphere. Vincent insisted we play by the original rules, and Jheremy had to check the rule guide a few times during the game. We didn't use the free parking money pit so people were going broke rather quickly. Still, the game took many hours to play. We played until every one was out.

(ME)  ANNETTE-- 2/ 5/ 2013

Conor was the big winner. He's one of Jheremy's best friends (most likely the best friend he's ever had, although I really shouldn't speak for Jheremy) and he's been around for well over a decade so he's practically family. Anyway, he creamed us all with one monopoly of properties and lots of hotels. For me, it was a really good night. There was a lot of laughter and chatter as the hours passed and it was almost like old times, only newer and more grown up.

I'm wondering what will end up happening with all of Kenny's games. I hate for them to get boxed up and never used. I would love very much for them to be played and for people to remember Kenny's smile and silly nature as they play the game that once brought us together and made Kenny happy.
~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}~}

Also in February there were a couple of birthdays....

~~*** HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ***~~
                   Ben and Matthew  


I've really missed this feeling of being connected to Kenny while doing the blog. This is the best I've felt in several weeks, other than typing in the date. I still get a sinking feeling in my heart and stomach when I use the year 2013. It is a reminder that time will continue to go by and my life will still be missing Kenny in it.
 
Lots of Love to my darling son on the other side,, wherever you may be...please keep us with you as I will always keep you with me. 

Until later in the month... Love and Peace