I still Miss Kenny every day...
However, I don't feel broken anymore. I don't feel whole either. Someplace in between. Putting the pieces together like a puzzle.
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Speaking of puzzles....
Kenny's best friend's family completed an awesome puzzle this summer that Kenny would absolutely Love!! It's The Periodic Table Of The Elements.
Putting together puzzles has been one of my favorite activities as long as I can remember. I hadn't done a puzzle since the summer my brother died. I stayed indoors and worked on puzzles nearly that entire summer watching 'Snapped' and 'Investigation Discovery'.
Working at summer camp this summer> I put together puzzles with my students. Fairly simple ones-- no more than 300 pieces. Seeing my friend's post of the completed puzzle inspired me. And, since I have the house to myself for a few days, I bought a puzzle for the first time in many years.
It's fabulous! 750 pieces, which is acceptable for a five day project. One of my very favorite literary characters....and his friends.
Unfortunately, I've been so tired the last few days that I've only managed to sort pieces and complete the border.
I will have to put more effort into it starting tomorrow.
I absolutely love this puzzle. I'm a huge Pooh Bear fan and I'm pleased that Thomas Kinkade created a Disney collection. I have a few of his landscape puzzles but I didn't want another one, and to my surprise I found this at my first stop.
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Currently, I am listening to classical music. It has become a habit of mine while I write the blog if I am lucky enough to have the house to myself.
I used my Kenny Angel mouse-pad today for the first time since I left the home where I lived with my three amazing sons. It's very strange not having a home after being in the same place for 16 years. It is the longest amount of time I had ever been in the same place. I am extremely grateful I was able to share a home with my boys. I don't know if life will ever be that good again. The greatest joy in my life is being a mom,, and holding that bond close to my heart.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
MY STORY OF BLACK AND WHITE
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| One of my lasted editions:phone case |
My black and white craze began several months after Kenny died. I think it truly began when I was packing his clothes. I didn't want to throw or give away most of his clothes so my dearest sweetest friend suggested I make a quilt with some of them.
Of course I thought it was a fabulous idea (which I have yet to complete) so I started to put clothes aside that I would later use for his quilt. Kenny was very much into black jeans. That's almost all he wore, however he owned one pair of white jeans he hardly wore. I came up with the idea of making a checkered quilt with his jeans and alternating pieces with some of his black and white shirts and boxers. Then I found the essential yin-yang patch. It made me think of conversations Kenny and I had during the time he was doing independent study for school.
We talked of harmony, balance in life, and karma. He was interested in learning my views and I enjoyed sharing my knowledge. Sometimes he even agreed with my thoughts. It was then, as I sat on the rug at the entrance of his closet packing his clothes that I first paid attention to Kenny's interest of black and white. Very soon after, I began a collection of sorts in black & white. I was wearing Kenny's shirts for months after he passed. They were all black. Then I started getting black and white socks, hair accessories, bandannas, and other odds and ends. Most of which are packed. In the past year> my craze has gotten crazier! I am loving all things black and white, especially if it has stripes. Why stripes? I'm not sure. Maybe, it's the representation of the balance of the two.
Anyhow, in the past few months I was thinking of the connection of Kenny's life with black and white in terms of lightness and darkness. Kenny was a bright light on this Earth. He never knew in life how special of a gift that was. His soul was the white light- his mind the black shadow. I think he understood that resemblance in his life and that was why he was drawn to the contrast of the two shades of non-color. A different and separate existence from all the colors of the rainbow. He had the black closet and black curtains with white walls in his room. He had one black and one white light-bulb on his ceiling. I know there were other examples but I can't remember them now.
And now, I carry on the tradition of black and white. Not for the same reasons. Partly in memory of him and partly as a reminder that it takes extremes in life to learn the lessons and have a survival story. So far,, this is my survival story.
As an example, here is the hat I wear most often. I had it while Kenny was alive. I wore it then, although not nearly as much. Ben gave me the button a long while after Kenny left us. This hat is the perfect place for it.
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| SHIRTS, DRESSES, SOCKS, HAT, INTIMATES & VAN'S |
In closing >-} To Kenny ~
As Kenny would do
