its a terrible feeling packing his things
I had to make myself go numb in order to get through the last couple days, but now the tears are flowing and the sadness has kicked in.
Thursday- we moved Kenny's bed to storage and the gray metal shelf he put together. The bed had to be taken apart but I did not break up the 12cube shelf he built. It still has the sticky note he put on it the day he put it together. I wish I had taken a picture now that I am writing this blog entry.
I had to box everything that was in/on Kenny's bed post. I emptied the top of his dresser and took pictures to put it on craig's list-- if I ever figure out how to do it.
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| -] Kenny's empty dresser [- |
When we returned from storage, I cleaned all of Kenny's pigs and arranged them on his dresser to take one last picture before I pack them. That was Thursday-] I still have not packed them. I stared mindlessly into space while I dusted, arranged and took pics; but somehow, that is as far as I could mentally go. As soon as got a box and bubble wrap I froze.
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| -] piggy collection 8/8/2013 [- |
Friday- I began the day with the intention to get Kenny's pigs and shelf packed. I have crammed so many of Kenny's books, notebooks, pictures, games, and some of my own stuff onto his shelf that is looks completely chaotic.
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| -] Kenny's stuff [- |
I managed to get through my normal morning routine: meditation/ coffee/ Ravenne time-} play ball and go for a walk. Then I ran a couple of errands. When I returned home I was very tired; I went to Kenny's room and could not fathom getting anything packed so I laid out sleeping bags and pillows on the floor and slept for five hours. I woke up feeling very down. I took my pillows to the living room where I am currently sleeping and left Kenny's room for the night. I ate and went back to bed.
Oh, there is something else I got done. Sometime during Thursday I cleaned Kenny's red rug. I never was able to get a proper picture before because it was filthy and Kenny's bed was on it so at last here is a picture of Kenny's red rug which will remain in his room when we leave this house.
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| -] the red rug [- |
I don't know why he liked this rug so much. Perhaps, it is because it had many imperfections. I will always remember rolling it up and carrying it together and I will keep this picture in my phone to help me hold onto that memory.
It was a happier time when Kenny was alive... and those days can never be returned. Memories pale in comparison to how I felt when my children were here with me.
Until next time...
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