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| ~ Morro Bay, CA * 11/29/2019 ~ |
How does a year go by without a post?
Does that mean I have forgotten? That time has made it easier to exist?
NO~for this has been the hardest year since the year following Kenny's death. So difficult and filled with more challenges than any other,, and yet filled with changes and fulfillment of self promises.
I have felt guilt>> so much guilt for not doing a birthday post. I remembered his birthday,, I knew it was tradition to do a memory post but I could not get it done. And I am a firm believer if it doesn't happen on the day then don't do it. And time has gone by... I haven't done a make-up post and here it is another year gone by. Eight>8> LONG YEARS without my beloved son. The source of so much joy and sorrow. I wonder what he would say if he knew the reason I couldn't pull off a birthday post. Would I tell him I was so down the first half of September I almost joined him? I can't imagine what his response would be. Or would I only tell him the way the Universe saved me and gave me an opportunity to find faith in myself again? Because I was helping out a 100 year old man named Frosty who needed a little care so he could be home instead of the hospital. I couldn't say no to the family when they asked for help. For it was playoff time in baseball and Frosty, like myself, is a true blue, die hard LA Dodgers fan. He needed to be home and couldn't be alone so I stayed for 3 weeks till the family found a permanent person. And I didn't have the free hours it takes to learn how to blog on a new laptop and upload pictures, then get them on the blog. So far, it's taken me about four hours to get all that figured out. I'm thinking Kenny would be okay that I followed the kindness in my heart. He probably would have done the same.
TODAY~ today, I made plans I kept. I asked a friend to go with me to Morro Bay to take pictures of me releasing Kenny's ashes and more...
Today, it was done and now here I am trying to figure out how to get the pictures onto my new laptop. This blog journey has been a continual learning experience and here I go again trying to figure out what is so easy for some. Now, that I've gotten through the hard stuff~ it's time to clear my head while I'm listening to Blake Shelton's 20 #1 Hits. One thing I can say about this year is I have returned to many of my roots~ refreshed my soul in ways of new and old. I gave from my heart but also learned to say "no" and give to myself for the first time in my life. Only took 52 years,, ha-ha-ha>> as Kenny would say! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
MORRO BAY 🌊🌊
I have a few clear memories of taking my boys~ Jheremy, Kenny, and Vincent to Morro Bay while they were growing up. One of my favorites is of the swings. They must have been around 6, 7, and 11. The boys raced to see who could get there first because there were two swings. I don't think Kenny won, but I do remember he and I swinging at the same time. We both swung as high as we could, laughing and shaking our legs in the air. The last time we went it was only Kenny, Vincent and I. It was spring break and I believe the boys were in junior high school. We went on a glass bottom boat and saw the whales. This year to honor his memory I took him back to those swings and threw bits of his bones and ashes into the air as I swung. A new memory I can hold in my heart (thank you to Karen for taking pictures and her daughter Angelica for extra emotional support). Surprisingly, there were minimal tears. The devastation of heartbreak is gradually becoming desire to honor the love and the joyful memories that keep love alive. 💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟
⭑❈ Yogi Philosophy❈⭑
" be giving, forgiving, compassionate and loving"
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" be kind to others, but always be compassionate to yourself "
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Lastly~ in memory of Kenny
no pumpkin pie this year but I did remember his second favorite,, chocolate cream pie Until next time✫
L♥ve~ Peace☮~ Harm☯ny
