170* On his 27th birthday

October 6, 2018

This has been a month of change for me~> a month of renewing my spirit and faith in the ability to conquer the trials of life. In doing so I have felt Kenny near me in a way I hadn't  in a very long time. I know he is around when I receive random signs. The golden feather came to me at the Dollar Tree. I was looking at a display and this feather was all alone. It had been broken off a trinket dish. I know this because on the other side of the display was an unbroken dish. I took both the dish and the golden feather with me to the cashier. I explained how I found it and asked if I could buy only the feather. I offered to pay the full dollar, but she had to call the manager. I repeated the story. The manager said she had seen the dish and that it would have to be damaged out. Luckily, she allowed me to buy the lone feather for 50 cents. For a couple minutes I thought she was going to say I couldn't purchase it. The special thing is feathers are among my most spiritual signs from Kenny and a golden feather would be something Kenny would have loved. I don't have any other golden feathers. It's strange in a way, now that I think about it; because, I did ask Kenny for a different kind of feather. I always find variations of gray feathers and I wanted something special. I was thinking like a blue or red feather, but golden-- Wow, that is special! I can imagine it on his bedpost with his many random objects if he were still here. Instead it stands next to his urn as another reminder he still hears me.
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As I was laying in bed I was thinking 'why is it so important that I receive signs from Kenny?' How does it impact my life?  Why does it matter so much? There are times when I am praying-- please give me a sign, let me know you are here. And then it came to me~~ it's not just about spirit being validated,, knowing there is more beyond this earthly existence. It's a way of keeping Kenny alive>>to have more stories to tell. Although I'd much rather have him breathing and to have a real conversation; at least through signs I can feel his presence. I can ask him, as I do, to be with me as I cope with the endless hardships of life. To ask my son to watch over his brother because I can not reach him. I cannot save him, and I don't know if I can survive another loss like that... in a small way the signs alleviate a tid bit of the fears that are always present in the back of my mind. They strengthen my faith and give me something to share with whoever reads this blog. And I need that faith to survive. To feel life in my soul because without it I feel darkness and sadness, and it is so easy to give up. To want to say good-bye the way Kenny did. But I fight those feelings because in the same way I don't know what I'd do if I lost another son-- I don't know how my sons would survive if they lost me. What would that say to them? If I truly gave up...
So I ask for signs and I am grateful when I get them~ I smile, my heart swells with joy and I hold on for awhile longer. 


penny and dimes~~~~~$~~~~~

I found a dime on the sidewalk next to my car as I was leaving yesterday evening. I thought to myself "10 pennies from heaven"(meaning Kenny)so I took a picture as I often do to remember the moment. Then I went to pick it up, but I couldn't because it was glued to the ground. I laughed and thought of Kenny laughing.

dime glued to sidewalk

Every year on October 15 and November 29, I ask Kenny for an obvious sign he is still around in spirit. Today I was blessed with such a sign.
A little background story,,since Kenny left us in 2011 whenever I find a random penny I pick it up and call it a 'Kenny penny'-taking it as a sign Kenny is with me. After a few years, I started finding dimes and I would pick them up, saying "10 pennies from Kenny". Never before today had I found both in the same place; nevertheless, I always keep a dime and penny together on my dresser.
Anyway, early this morning I went to put gas in my car and buy coffee at the AM/PM. They have a card program-buy four coffees, get the fifth one free. I forgot my card in the ashtray and as I was walking back I looked down to step up on the curb in front of my car and I saw a random penny and a dime near each other. So, of course I took a picture and put them in my pocket.Tearing up, I said "thank you Kenny" and now I say "it was an excellent sign, I love you and miss you so much my darling son~* Happy 27th Birthday"

penny                   < 10/25/18>                        dime

*~ October 15, 2018 ~*

In memory of Kenny, I created this special space today with a root beer candle that fills the room with the aroma of my son's favorite drink.And his urn with ghost light because Halloween was his favorite holiday. The feathers I find I keep next to his urn and the last memory candle from our home where we no longer live is among the trinkets. Until the next time we meet >*> you are a part of my soul and forever in my heart my darling son. 

Jheremy in NY

me in Grover Beach

To Kenny -> this root beer
is for you: 
unfortunately, Vincent wasn't able to participate this year but he's with us in spirit. This is our family tradition on Kenny's b-day                          

 And to all~ Love*Peace*Inspiration*