Here is my version of what led to Kenny's depression and eventual demise:
Kenny was always a very unique individual. He didn't speak in oral conversation until he was four years old. And at that young age -- he created a language that only he and his older brother Jheremy understood.
When he was in first grade -- I discovered through a conversation with his teacher that he was quite the quirky and funny character -- often making his classmates break out in laughter.
He seemed to get along fine through elementary school. He had few friends, but they were good friends. As it turned out -- Kenny always felt out of place because of his unusually kind heart and distinctive philosophy of fairness in the world.
7th grade is where the real trouble began. It was the first time being in a school with so many individuals who didn't know him and his special way of thinking. It was also the beginning of dressing out for gym class along with a bunch of rowdy boys with little to no supervision.
And in the locker room of his junior high school is where the severe bullying began. I could see a difference in his personality early in the school year. I could see that he was troubled and had been crying. It was a few months of me prodding before he confided in me about what was happening. Of course, as a concerned mother I made the phone call to the principal. What a mistake that was!
The principal's tactic of dealing with this situation was to have Kenny and his attacker meet in his office -- forcing the abuser to apologize to Kenny. This only made the situation worse. Naturally, I was extremely upset and had my son removed from that class and put into another class. Once again, Kenny was in a locker room with no one who was his friend. However, there were friends of the boy who bullied him from the previous class. Those boys took over the role of bullying my kind-hearted child who didn't believe in being aggressive. By this time, Kenny was terrified and didn't want to go to school. And, in light of what happened the first time he spoke out -- he would not give up the names of the bullies. I was outraged and contacted the school to no avail. There was no protection for my son. To this day,, I don't know the details of the torment my darling Kenny endured -- only the extent of its effect on his self perspective. He was never the same after those first months of junior high school.
Due to the lack of adequate response by the authorities of the school, I pulled Kenny out of 7th grade and had him home schooled the remainder of the year. Luckily for me, Jheremy was a senior in high school and was also home schooling because he only needed two classes to graduate so Kenny stayed home with Jheremy while I worked.
The following year: Kenny returned to the same junior high school for his 8th grade year, but this time he was not alone. Vincent started 7th grade that year. Now, one of Vincent's strongest personality traits is he can be very intimidating and he made it quite clear that no one was to mess with his brother. Kenny made it through that school year without any major incidents.
Then came Freshman year of high school. Kenny had made a few more friends; however, they had many different classes. And once again -- he was being bullied. Without the protection of his brother. Within a couple months of the school year, Kenny was skipping classes without leaving the school. He would often walk around campus or sit outside a classroom.
Eventually, this became noticed by the staff and campus security. Then came the day Kenny wrote a letter to one of his close friends in which he expressed a desire to end his life. This caused great concern on her part and the letter was taken to the school administration. This began the first intervention with the authorities. Social Services became involved. The C.A.R.E. unit was sent to the school and I was notified. At this point, I knew the situation was extremely serious. Once again, I pulled Kenny out of school. I quit my job and contacted the mental health department. Kenny started going to counseling, but I refused to allow for medication. At the time, I was very much opposed to drug treatment. I thought counseling and care would make enough of a difference. Kenny began to speak of suicide on a regular basis, although he never took any action.
I stayed with him night and day everyday. The only exception being when I would drive Vincent to school in the morning. Kenny's first counselor was a woman who was pregnant with her first child, whom Kenny was able to convince that he was going to kill himself.
I will never forget the day it happened. The day he convinced her he was in imminent danger. Kenny had spoken of his desire to go to mental hospital. Mostly, for the experience of it. On this particular day at his appointment he told his counselor that he had taken a knife out of the drawer while I had driven Vincent to school and he was going to harm himself.
Her response was to put him on a 24 hour suicide hold. She told me he would be staying in town and that I could stay with him. Me, being the naive woman that I was agreed to sign the paper work. My signature was all she needed to fulfill a different plan. As it turned out -- there was no place in town for him to stay. When I left to get him clothes and personal belongings for both of us, the county began the process of having him sent away. When I returned to the facility, I was not allowed to see him. I became hysterical and mi mama had to be called in. I was informed that Kenny was being sent away to a mental hospital in Southern California. I was not told where he was going. I watched in torment as he was driven away in the ambulance. I offered to drive him to where he was being sent, but it was useless. I was helpless to stop the process.
I didn't sleep at all that night, waiting to hear where he was going to end up. It wasn't until the following day that I found out where he was. I called the hospital as quick as I received the information but I was not allowed to talk to him. It was three days before I was able to go see him. I was devastated. He was in the hospital for nearly two weeks. I drove up every time I was allowed to see him. His father and grandfather also made trips to see him. Needless to say, his father was furious with me and blamed me for the course of events that took place. After the second visit, I was informed that if I didn't agree to have anti-depressants administered they were not going to release Kenny. Dismayingly, I agreed to the medication. I continued to fight for his release. Finally, on the condition that he continue therapy and medical treatment, I was able to bring Kenny home.
Immediately, I had him transferred to a new therapist. This time it was a man, and after about a month of very little response with Kenny -- the therapist was able to make a break through. The difference in these sessions was that I was able to participate in the second half of the session. This continued for a few months, and then Kenny began attending alone. I would go in for updates once a week with the therapist. Finally, there was progress in the recovery of Kenny's mental state. After more than a year, he returned to high school during the second half of his Junior year. Vincent was also attending high school in his Sophomore year. Also, all of Kenny's close friends were aware of the situation and kept an eye on him.
That's when the improvement started. He finished Junior year, developing a passion for Chemistry. That summer he learned to drive and received his driver's license. His dad bought him a car and Kenny began to thrive. I also returned to school -- starting the fall of his Senior year. I began going to local university- CSUF.
Kenny began making new friends. Earning a reputation for his generous and individual spirit. Many of Vincent's friends were fond of Kenny as well. Life was good. He participated in after school activities and built relationships with his favorite teachers and developed a close bond with the friends he had known most of his childhood. He graduated with honors, however he chose community college over university college.
He spent the summer with friends and family and his personality shined with the light I had come to adore and depend on. I called him my sunlight. He was the most selfless, loving human I have ever known.
Unfortunately, at the end of summer, a new way of life began. His two closest friends went to different schools. His lifetime best friend went away to college in another town, and although his other best friend was in the same town, she was at the university. Once again, he was all alone in a new place and struggled as he had done in the past feeling as if he didn't fit in. Of course he didn't. He was too different. Too special to be ordinary. As a friend expressed on his facebook page after his passing "he was too good for this world".
Gradually, his perspective and personality began to revert to the days of major depression. He displayed signs of loneliness and hopelessness. Also during this time there were changes in his friendships. A rift occurred between two of his friends whom had once been best of friends. This led to a separation in the circle of friends he depended on for support and stability. This took a great toll on his soul and spirit. He wanted so much to bring them back together but was unable to fulfill this desperate desire.
I noticed the greatest changes at the beginning of his third semester of community college. By this time, Vincent had graduated from high school and I had received my Bachelor's degree from CSUF. It was 2011. Although Kenny's relationships with his two best friends continued, the reality of life didn't allow them much time together. It became obvious to me the depression was steadily invading his spirit. He even took the initiative to see a psychological counselor at the school. To his great disappointment he felt even more misunderstood. Two days before he took his life we had a conversation about him seeing a therapist who had been one of my psychology professors whom I was sure would be able to guide Kenny through this strongly developing road to suicide. As it turned out -- Kenny simply decided it was too much to deal with and November 29th was the day he rationally decided to leave us.
It was that afternoon that I found an English essay he had written a week or so previous in which he expressed the need to take actions to preserve what is best for one's self. In the future, I hope to find it and put it on the blog.
In closing, here is a quote from that essay:
" Happiness is what you make it to be "
- Kenny S. Cipolla
It is my perspective that Kenny chose his happiness by deciding to leave the miseries of earthly life forever.
