130* Mother's Day; numbers; and pictures

   Kenny's candle is lit on this 29th day of May. It is now one and a half years since the last day Kenny was with me. I still relive his last day sometimes. I remember him sitting at the table with his cereal the last morning we talked. He did not give me a clue as to his evil plan. It seems impossible that I did not know at all.  
  Another Mother's Day passed by without Kenny. This year was a little easier than last year. It didn't hit me hard until the end of the day. Then I was sad, sad, sad. During the day, I spent a bit of time posting stuff on facebook. I enjoyed getting pictures of the boys up and it took awhile so it kept my mind busy and I felt the love I have for my children can still keep me going. Vincent and I went to see Iron Man 3. I really like going with Vincent to the movies even though he doesn't talk to me much. He chats non-stop with his friends but it is different with me. I like it when he has friends around--it is a little like it was when Kenny was alive. It is special watching movies with Vincent. I never would have gotten into Marvel movies without him, and I actually think the characters are very cool, and the movies are very entertaining and interesting.
    Jheremy is far away so I did not get to see him. Sometimes he sends me a card but not this year or last. I wonder if I will ever get a Mother's Day card again. Kenny would have given me a card and a hug. I did not get a hug on Mother's day this year. I would have loved a hug...guess I'm glad its over.I felt soooo terrible the next day I did not go to work but the day after that I continued on with life. At least now I have the inner strength to carry on with full confidence that I am capable of getting through the most horrific events. I think I have lived through the pinocle of grief for this lifetime. It will remain in a part of my heart for all of my days. Even so, the rest of my heart is filled with faith that the future will be happier than the past years.

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   I continue to be fascinated with numbers and their connection with life. I was looking on Kenny's facebook not long ago-- I still leave messages randomly, and I noticed he had 29 friends. 29, the same number as the last day of his life. What a peculiar coincidence, huh?

   As for me, I've had quite a lot of experiences with master numbers in the last month. I happened to wake up at 3:33am a couple times and I looked at the clock at 4:44pm another day. My change was $7.77 one day when I was buying groceries and my total for a purchase was $5.55 another time. Each master has a different meaning but they are all about being in tune with the universe and one's purpose in life. When I have time next week I will read all about them
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   I was thinking recently as I was looking at family pictures that never again will I have a new picture of Kenny. I don't know if he looks the same or different on the other side but he will always look the same in his pictures. He will never age-- he will never change and it gives me a knot in the pit of my stomach. It feels so wrong!!! and it gives missing him a whole new meaning...I do wish so much that he was here. I do want to share new experiences with him. To hear him talk about anything would brighten my day. To hear him laugh would be pure joy. Simple expressions can mean so much.

   Don't ever take any for granted--one never knows when it will end...

~~ <3 Love, Light, Peace ~~ until next time

129* 75 weeks

It's Tuesday-- ANOTHER TUESDAY!!!!  
and this one is hitting me hard>> I wish I could spend the day writing but I must hurry off to work,, I'm already on track to be late.

I hate that life interferes with my needs
I feel terrible today,, I want to grief for my son-- my darling son whom I could not help

I feel the strongest sense of profound sadness that I could not help him--I could not make him feel that life is worth living--
and now I feel the exact same way

I try to find meaning.. a reason,, a purpose
but it eludes me

There are people I love deeply who are here
However,, the love I carry in my heart does not erase the pain
The grief is overwhelming today and now I must go 
and be a part of the life that I hate

Love and Peace to the world and life on the other side

Love<3 Love<3 Love<3 to Kenny