March 29th was a very good day. The first good day in a long, long time.
I woke up early and walked my dog>> I lit Kenny's candle.
I went to sound therapy in the morning--I always feel better after sound therapy.
Then I had spontaneous lunch and movie day-- saw "The Host",, and liked it very much.
And after that, I rushed home to have movie time with Vincent, Ben, and Callie. We watched X-Men movies and ate pizza, the kids talked and made me laugh. I love listening to their commentaries. I made cookies--they weren't my best cookies but still it was fun.
Yes, March 29th was a good day--it got late and I was so tired I went to bed after the kids left.
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Today, in contrast has been a very bad day.
My dog Ravenne is showing symptoms of dying. She is not eating, she looks like she is pain with the saddest eyes, and she doesn't want to come inside.
She has been laying outside for days, and leaving her to go to work this morning made me feel sick to my stomach.
I kept praying she would make it through the day and she has, but I know she doesn't have much time left. Of course hanging out with the Kenny where there is endless green grass and freedom to run as much as she wants will be better for her than being here in pain,but still it makes me so sad to lose another loved one.
Other than that, Mondays are now my worst day of the week.
Soon to be over, never-the-less I still had to endure getting through this Monday. I talked to Kenny a lot this morning--mostly asking him to watch over Ravenne. I still think of him and miss him lots; however I talk to him differently now. More like he's listening, with less expectation of hearing him in return.
Even so, I still cry daily. The tears flow even when I try to stop them but overall I feel stronger than before although life would be so much better with Kenny here. I must say that all the time: "I wish you were here Kenny". I do believe I will feel that way forever...plus
Would be wonderful to have one of Kenny's hugs!!On hard days like this, I wish so much to see Kenny smile and give me a hug and hear him say "doesn't life suck mom" and I could reply "its not that bad"... On that note, I have been finding a lot of random pennies lately. Whenever I find one I say "thank you Kenny" and write in my date book "Kenny penny". I found one Friday when I was in Sunnyvale with Vincent-- made me feel like Kenny was there with us in a way.
Anyway thats all for now~ I pray I have more energy next month.
and as Kenny would say "PEACE"
